The Forbidden Kingdom

I ventured to an actual theater for this one... something I am always willing to do for any Jackie Chan flick. I even went to my favortie theater: Cinemall

Quote:

ALL of our sound systems are DIGITAL, and the Abingdon Cinemall® is the ONLY theater in Southwest Virginia, the Tri-Cities and Northeast Tennessee fully equiped with the Fly-Overhead Extended Surround Sound System designed by George Lucas and Dolby Laboratories, originally for StarWars Espisode 1. The Cinemall® has been showcased on ABC's 'GOOD MORNING AMERICA SHOW' and designated as the best movie theater in the USA by both news media and our loyal patrons. For StarWars Episode 2 we set a national record seating patrons from 42 different states and 3 foreign countries. These distant patrons learned that the reports were true - you could literally 'feel the force flow through you'. In addition, the Abingon Cinemall® is the ONLY theater anywhere featuring the custom-designed Hyperdrive Sound System, containing as many as 65 speakers in all of our 12 theaters, and each of which are specially configured based upon each particular movie's soundtract to deliver as much as several thousand watts of driver-power. Our patrons rely on our unique sound systems to heighten the excitement of the movie-going experience, particularly in action/adventure, sci-fi and horror movies, and we respond by delivering the highest quality of movie sight and sound - consistently, since we first opened in February of 1998. Our theaters added in 2003 also feature thick acoustical felt-covered wall-panels, designed to absorb higher frequency sound so as to prevent that sound from bouncing or reverberating.

Now back to the film...

It was a fun mythological romp through some conglomerate era of ancient China. It was switch in that the humor did not revolve solely around Jackie, rather the usually stoic Jet Li. I would have rather seen the lead played by an Asian, but perhaps that was supposed to add to the humor (at least inadvertently). All the characters were richly done; the old Jackie (whom I could not help seeing as Yoda), the duality Jet Li played, and especially the Sparrow (with the psychosis - MPD), etc.

Overall, it was not a let down. The fight scenes were very well-choreographed. The plot was even interesting. The cinematography (camera work), however... <gags>. You know how in a crappy ( especially low budget) action film, they will use the camera/edits to hide the level of suck-dom? As in, speeding up the film or blurring images...

WHY THE FUCK would you need to hide action between two of the 21st century's greatest action heros!?! Answer, you don't. Yet, they did. So, the camera man and the editor need to be shot, but otherwise this film was magnificent. Not only would I consider rating this film, but it would get better marks than any film I have seen recently.

_________________

twist wrote:

Yeah, I'm still the king of the titty writers.

&$

Aunt Jemima wrote:

what is it? whiteman day?

Speed Racer was the fucking shiznit. The W brothers really made a good movie here. solid 8

No one ever watched the speed racer cartoon, I don't know why they made a movie out of it.
I watched Failure to launch and Firewall lastnight, both were good movies. Nothing super, but both were worth the time it took to watch them.

kibakichi: Bakko-yokaiden

It was an odd lil low budget Japanese horror flick. The story is that the Yokai, a race that used to live in harmony with the humans, have moved to a secluded village in an attempt to live in peace. They have a casino which draws in humans... for dinner. Our hero... whose purpose alluded me completely... visits the town and makes friends immediately... since he is apparently (actually it is not apparent at all until the very end, much like the entire plot... as if there is a plot) a werewolf. The towns folk have disguised themselves as humans (since the special effects blow chunks)... so it took me a while to understand they were all demons in disguise. There is one (only one) good fight scene and some decent yet sparse gratuitous gore. I am not sure how I managed to watch the whole thing... except that so I could be confident in recommending that you don't.

unoriginal
boring
bland
lame
waste of time

And as a rule I love both horror and Asian flicks... so you can be confident in its total nonredeemable suckdom.

I watched Grandmas boy last night, but It's not like I haven't seen it before, it still rocks as hard as the first time I saw it.

The last movie I saw for the first time, 27 dresses, sucked balls....

The Night Listener

It's another one of those Robin Williams in a serious movie thingies. I am not sure how I feel about that in general, but this ... this was interesting.

It's a rather twisty plot... it's a nice exploration into the concept of knowing what is real...and how some minds simply can not.

I think I might even watch it again, on purpose.

I went and saw You don't mess with the Zohan yesterday, it has got teh suck.
It was s stupid movie, but there were a few laughs in it.
Wait for it to come out on dvd, then just wait for someone to buy it and borrow it from them, don't even waste the money to rent it.

Sneakers
Starring: Robert Redford, Sidney Poitier, Dan Aykroyd and River Phoenix, amongst others.

Very lighthearted, almost spoof-like film about espionage / cyber crime. Thuroughly enjoyed it up until the last 15 minutes when my cable company decided to do some maintenance, at 10.30pm... I was not impressed and have been unable to find the film elsewhere, yet

Spent some days at the Misses'eses place, and BAM she has "Canal+", it's a paying moviechannel.

But it's really just movies and ads for the movies they'll play (no more than 2 at once), so it's quite awesome.

The first I saw that comes to mind, is Ultraviolet

Dear Lord did it suck. Small synopsis: future world, with two races: the humans, and "hemafogens". These Hemaphogens are somewhat (related to) vampires. The humans of course do not want them around, are the Catholicist government does anything to destroy them. There's a hemaphogen woman, who they tried to make a "beautiful Femme Fatale" but failed, called Violet who infiltrates into a human facility, even though they have super high tech ways of keeping them out. Here you have an example of one of the movies most annoying trademarks. But first some more "plot": Violet was sent there to destroy a "weapon". The weapon then seems to be a damn kid in a briefcase filled with water. The kid has anti-vampyric stuff in it's blood. But Violet can't kill him, she was about to be a mother but the Government said no you're a vampire. She now lets loose all her mother-instinct on what is actually her doom. This is comparable to how the story is told.

Now onto the aformentioned problem:
You see, it's the future. And apparently ànything can be done now, since everything that makes you look after the script-writer's cocaine-supplier is being "justified" with atrocious futuristic excuses.

Actual movie-situation: Violet runs on the fucking ceiling.
"Ah, she must have some sort of anti-gravity device!"

Violet's surrounded? No problem, it's the future, and in the future you can summon weapons out of thin air! Also your hair changes colour whenever you do that, it's véry intrigueing.

Other actual situation:
The government challenges Violet to appear in front of their main building, which of coùrse she does. You see the building, lots of supercops and Daxus, the "bad guy" standing there with weapons. A car stops in front of them, Violet steps out, and naturally they fire away. She kneels down in a stupid pseudo-ninja manner. You can see the car being shot to pieces, but Violet remains uninjured! Daxus then tries to punch her, but GOTCHA! It was a HOLOGRAM that stepped out of the fucking car! Yeah!

This goes on and on and we just went to the store out of boredom. Didn't buy anything. So yeah, this gets 0/10, there is NOTHING good about this movie. And the damn kid, he's the one from Thank You For Smoking (8/10!). He must have one terrible agent.

Oh and I don't want to clog up one entire post.

So yeah, the day before that we were waiting for "Backseat Confidential" (more on that later!) but first they broadcasted

Even though I'm quite the Vietnam-war fanatic, I've never heard of this film. I missed the first 15 minutes, but not too much of the story.

I was annoyed quite a bit by some of the pilot's dialogue (I can't sign this* man, this country gave me wings!) in the beginning, no annoyances popped up until the ending of the film, which maybe was a bit too long and feel-good, but apparently this was all based on a true story, so perhaps people díd react like that when a POW had returned. So yeah overall this wàs a good movie, the VC weren't shown as the ultimate bad guys, or some dumb tunnel-diggers. Good movie. 8/10?


* the "I hereby denounce the oppressive invasion of the corrupt United States of America..."-document.

So yeah, Backseat Confidential!
It was no Ultraviolet, but hell it sucked. It was one of those porn-movies with a "story".

Being, a female cab-driver (who réally looked like a cab driver, wearing spikes, lots of eyeliner, a hat like this one, ...) and the stories of the filthy filthy people she transports. Like this one: it's a hot summer-y afternoon (keep this detail in mind) and a guy with messed up clothing and a red hat steps in with a disgusting smirk on his face.
"So you seem statisfied bad boy, what have you been up to?"
-"Weeell, er, I just came from, from aaaa christmas-party (yup, this is what you needed the detail for) and I-I-I scored, y'know. With two women a-at once. And normally I'm not that good with women. Bu-bu-buut all of the sudden there was a conga line and then we ended up alone in aaa room all of the sudden."

Fade out, fade in into said Christmas party, still as sunny as ever;
Some people drinking water in an office-environment, with christmas hats on, and all of the sudden one guy yells "CONGAAAAAAAAAAAAA", the entire train leaves the room, except for our 3 heroic protagonists.
"Eh, I-I-I uuuuuh g-got you a present Lindsey. A-a-and you too Martha."
The sex itself was laughable. Oh, and between the scenes the "Cab driver" had some lines too. In her best raunchy-voice:
"As a cab-driver, you have to know what you want. Know what to do, a smile can mean the difference between eating leftovers off of the street -cab drivers do that?- or eating a 4-way dinner along with some fancy rich kids".

Oh, and a bigass HD-television is NOT what you want to watch this on when the actors have hygiene-problems.

Kung fu panda, really good! I'm gonna watch it again. i recommend it.

OMG. A movie about a sweet young virgin who discovers her vagina has a big set of cock biting nashers! Whats not to like! see it.

6.5/10

WHAT!?










She looks hot though.

I'd risk it and do her, even with the cock gnashing nashers or whatever they were.

I watched The Happening a few days back.

Lots of gore and blood.
Lots of hidden and blatant comedy.

Good story and I like movies where you don't feel like you know everything when it is over. I like open endings where you get to decide what would happen next.

I liked it even more so because of the graphic way the people end their own lives.

8/10. Go see it, I would again.

Kung fu Panda realy was nicve, I saw it om my computer (Breaking the law, breaking the law
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)
Was a good movie for animation